Grief is one of the most profound and personal experiences we will ever face. It is an emotional reaction to loss — not just the death of a loved one, but also the loss of a relationship, a job, or even a long-held hope for the future. While no two people grieve in exactly the same way, there are patterns that many of us follow. One of the most well-known frameworks is the “Five Stages of Grief”, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969.
At Walter Carter Funerals, we believe that understanding the emotional journey of grief can be an important part of healing. In this article, we explore the five stages, their origins, and how they continue to help (and sometimes confuse) those who are mourning.
The Five Stages of Grief were first outlined by Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking book On Death and Dying. Originally, the model was developed to describe the emotional responses of people who had been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Over time, however, it has been widely applied to those who are grieving the death of others.
It’s important to understand that the stages were never meant to be prescriptive or linear. You may not go through all of them. You might experience some in a different order. Or you may cycle through certain stages more than once. Kübler-Ross herself later emphasised this flexibility in her later work.
Denial is often the first reaction to loss. It acts as a psychological defence mechanism to shield us from the full impact of what has happened. In the early hours or days after a death, many people find themselves in a kind of disbelief.
You might find yourself thinking, “This can’t be real.” This stage can provide a temporary sense of numbness or detachment, giving us time to absorb the initial shock and start processing the news at our own pace.
As the reality sets in, denial often gives way to anger. This anger can be directed at a variety of sources — at the person who has died, at doctors or carers, at a higher power, or even at yourself. You might ask questions like, “Why them?” or “Why now?”
While anger may seem negative, it’s actually a natural part of the healing process. Expressing anger can help people externalise their pain and feel less helpless. It’s better to recognise and acknowledge these feelings rather than suppress them.
Bargaining is a stage marked by “what ifs” and “if onlys.” It’s not uncommon to imagine alternative outcomes, even long after the loss has occurred.
For example:
“If only we’d gone to the doctor sooner…”
“Maybe if I had spent more time with them, this wouldn’t feel so hard.”
This stage reflects our desire to regain control and find meaning. It’s also closely linked to guilt, which is a frequent (and painful) companion to grief.
Eventually, the reality of the loss sinks in, and the weight of that absence can lead to deep sadness. This stage is not the same as clinical depression, but rather a very normal and expected reaction to losing someone you love.
People in this stage may withdraw from others, experience changes in sleep or appetite, or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. It’s essential to be gentle with yourself — and others — during this time. Support from family, friends, or professional counsellors can be invaluable.
Acceptance doesn’t mean being “okay” with the loss or that the pain has gone away. It means acknowledging the reality of the loss and finding a way to live with it.
You might begin to re-engage with life — making new plans, revisiting hobbies, or rediscovering moments of joy. Acceptance is about adjusting, not forgetting.
While the model has faced criticism for being too simplistic or misinterpreted as a checklist, many people still find comfort in it. It gives shape to an otherwise chaotic and overwhelming process. More modern grief theories emphasise that grieving is not about “moving on”, but about learning to integrate loss into a changed life.
At Walter Carter Funerals, we encourage people to view grief as a unique journey — not one that must follow a textbook path. Whether you move through these five stages or find your experience looks entirely different, what matters most is that you find support, compassion, and understanding along the way.
If someone you care about is grieving, remember that they don’t need you to fix it — they need you to walk alongside them. Offer to listen. Share a memory. Send a message. Be present.
And if you are the one grieving, know this: your feelings are valid. You are not alone. Whether you find yourself in denial, anger, sadness, or something in between — we’re here for you.